yes i read your post. the reason why i get so upset with the whole situation? because you’re never straight up with me. yeah you’re with her, i know you’re with her, and im glad you’re happy. from the beggining thats all that mattered to me and i never wanted to get in between. but im sorry when you have sex with me and then the next day, or the next hour, you say that you want nothing, obviously im gonna cry, obviously that fucks with my head. being mean to me to try and distance us, isnt gonna help anything btw, and yes, i know thats your plan. im a big girl, i can accept the fact that nothings gonna happen, if not ever, then atleast not now. i just really wish youd be more straight up with me. i know alotttttt of times i can be stubborn and dont listen and just try to do things my way, but come on, sometimes, you really cant blame me for thinking the things i do. but you know what, first and most importantly, before any of this bullshit happened, you are my best friend right now. you really are the only one i have. we’ve been through alot of stuff together these past few months, good and bad, amazing and horrible. i wouldnt trade any of it, you really do mean alot to me. i never said you were a bad person, and i dont think it at all. id rather have you in my life as my friend than to not have you at all. im still not gonna be able to see the two of you together, its still gonna hurt, but ill get over it and ill be okay. you know im here for you whenever you need, and i know you need someone to be there for you as much as i need someone to be there for me. you’re a big part of my life now and nothing is gonna change that. dont worry about anything thats happened in our past, cause theres nothing we can do to change it. lets just worry about the future, and us staying best friends, cause thats what we really need right now. we’ve both been going through such tough times, and we each need a shoulder. and you know i got your back no matter what. so yeah i may get upset at times, but its okay, im you’re friend and i can accept whatever happens as long as you stay real with me. like i said before, if we’re meant to have a time together, than we will, no matter how long from now it is, we will. and if we’re meant to only be friends, than thats that and no matter what happens thats all we’ll ever be and im perfectly okay with that. i think me not living there will cut some of the tension too. were still gonna hang out and have our sleep overs and party nights. and ill still get too fucked up so you have to drive, and when everyone ditches us we have each other, or even when they dont you can call me whenever. thats why id deffinatly say you are my best friend, anyone else, i would be done right now. but no matter whattttt we go through, at the end of the day we still have each other and we hopefully always will. so just dont worry about me, do you and be happy. ill find my way. i love you bitch.
today im gonna do me, im gonna forget about you. for the most part, i could never forget about you. but nothing is gonna bother me, today youre my friend, but nothing more. today is all about trying to make myself feel better, cause if i dont, bad things will happen, i can promise that. so here goes nothing babygirl
so when other people hurt me you run to the rescue <3 but then its okay for you to cause me more pain than anyone else, but also more happiness? this is so confusing. hopefully things will get better. i dont wanna let you know how much it hurts though, i feel like i have to act strong
I’ve never seen a smile that can light the room like yours.
It’s simply radiant, I feel more with everyday that goes by.
I watch the clock to make my timing just right.
Would it be okay, would it be okay if I took your breath away?
And I’m wasting away, away from you.
And I’m wasting away, away from you.
What have I gotten into this time around?
I know that I had sworn I’d never trust
Anyone again but I didn’t have to,
You had me at hello.
You gave me butterflies at the mailbox, you had me at hello …
Lovee this songg and band so much - ADTR <3
you just want to be happy, well maybe so do i. did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, thats all i was trying to do, was be happy for the first time in two years. yes two years ago was the last time i was able to truely say i was happy. he was my rock, my life, my best friend, when ever anything in my life was wrong all i had to do was pick up the phone or drive an hour and sit on that hill and all my problems would be gone. but then one day almost 2 years ago that was all ripped from me out of no where, the biggest piece of me went missing. i try not to talk about it so no one really knows, but that week, that phone call, changed me forever. although i still try to keep him with me, i keep his memory over your pillow, i havent truely been able to say im happy since that day. when im with you, sometimes, the pain goes away. even if we fight i know it wont last long. i dont know why i still put myself through this, it tears me apart day after day. some nights im on top of the world, other nights i feel buried deep in the ground, like i couldnt get any lower. all i am is your game as much as you try to deny it and much as i try to not admit it to myself, i know its true. i still have faith that our time will come, no one can fake that kind of passion, but for now ill just have to wait. im more than just an option, and i deserve so much better than im getting. idk maybe ill let you read this, maybe i wont. im scared, even though you know all of this, im scared that if we talk about it it will affect our friendship and i cant do that, youre the closest person i have to me right now, and i can afford to lose that, i dont want us to drift apart…
okay so here goes nothing, this is me. i was sheltered my whole life, so sometimes i dont know how to react. dealing with some of the reality thats been thrown at me has been unbelievably hard, who ever knew the real world would be like this. i lost my mom for 10 months, shes back though, its so great. i fell in love with my best friend, its not easy, its complicated and hard and painful, but in the moments when she holds me and looks into my eyes and kisses me, all the pain is gone and everything ive been through is completely worth it. i was very innocent and unknowing before all this happened, but ive grown in addictions. night after night, its any way to get high, any way to get rid of the pain, whatever new drug i can find. i’ve changed alot, old friends have abandoned me, and although the new friends are amazing and are there for me no matter what, its hard having the people who have been with me through all the years abandon me. well, i guess thats it, me in a nutshell.
